Me: Did you catch any of the Royal Wedding? The priest that marries them has a serious lisp
Bear: And he doesn't even get to kiss the bride til later how gay is that
Friday, April 29, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Bear is not an ass
Recently Bear has had some concerns about being made to look like an ass. On behalf of all of Bear's delightfully smartassed children, I would like to say that Bear is not an ass.
Bear is a very kind and gentle creature, and the best Dad ever. Bear's children all speak fluent sarcasm, and have a great sense of humor.
This collection of gems Bear has said are not meant to make him look like an ass, but rather highlight some of the funnier things that have come out of his mouth.
Bear is a very kind and gentle creature, and the best Dad ever. Bear's children all speak fluent sarcasm, and have a great sense of humor.
This collection of gems Bear has said are not meant to make him look like an ass, but rather highlight some of the funnier things that have come out of his mouth.
Bear on Random Quotes/Counting Cards
Bear: Yo momma what homie?
Me: Hahahaha Totally going on your blog...
Bear: Whatever. And then?
Me: No and then
Bear: Why not and then
Me: Because I said
Bear: Well excuuuuse meeee. Smells like a pork product in here
Me: Are you attempting to quote Wayne's World?
Bear: Who sir, me sir, no sir not I sir
Me: What the hell is that?
Bear: Mr England's 7th grade English class
Me: Wow...
Bear: It was a group thing and you went around the room til somebody messed up or gave the wrong number. Helps u learn to count cards
Me: You learned card counting in English class? Hahahahahaha
Me: Hahahaha Totally going on your blog...
Bear: Whatever. And then?
Me: No and then
Bear: Why not and then
Me: Because I said
Bear: Well excuuuuse meeee. Smells like a pork product in here
Me: Are you attempting to quote Wayne's World?
Bear: Who sir, me sir, no sir not I sir
Me: What the hell is that?
Bear: Mr England's 7th grade English class
Me: Wow...
Bear: It was a group thing and you went around the room til somebody messed up or gave the wrong number. Helps u learn to count cards
Me: You learned card counting in English class? Hahahahahaha
Bear the food critic
Notes about this gem:
A- Bear is not aware that he is being filmed
B- Bear and I differ a bit (ahem, a LOT), about what we would like to see on our plate when we eat at a restaurant. The details of how I sparked this rant about steak escape me, however, it has made me laugh each of the 120394892 times I have watched it.
A- Bear is not aware that he is being filmed
B- Bear and I differ a bit (ahem, a LOT), about what we would like to see on our plate when we eat at a restaurant. The details of how I sparked this rant about steak escape me, however, it has made me laugh each of the 120394892 times I have watched it.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Bear in Seattle
We had been down to the market, and walked up ONE very steep hill.
Bear: Ok, so where around here can we get something "normal" to eat?
Me: What do you mean?
Bear: You know, american food. A burger and fries.
Me: Oh, the Cheesecake Factory is just a few more blocks away. We can go there.
Bear: okkkaaayyy, so are these normal streets, or 5 more effin steep hills?
Me: uhhhm.....
Bear: yeah, thanks but no thanks.
Bear: Ok, so where around here can we get something "normal" to eat?
Me: What do you mean?
Bear: You know, american food. A burger and fries.
Me: Oh, the Cheesecake Factory is just a few more blocks away. We can go there.
Bear: okkkaaayyy, so are these normal streets, or 5 more effin steep hills?
Me: uhhhm.....
Bear: yeah, thanks but no thanks.
Favorite Responses
Here are a few of my favorite responses I get regularly from Bear regarding various topics/questions:
That is correct.
That's what you get for being a pushy little rabbit.
Dammit, Kell!
oooookkkkaaaayyyyy.
That was a yoke. (joke. And I'm still unsure as to where that gem came from)
That is correct.
That's what you get for being a pushy little rabbit.
Dammit, Kell!
oooookkkkaaaayyyyy.
That was a yoke. (joke. And I'm still unsure as to where that gem came from)
Bear on Roller Coasters at the top of Buildings
Me: You could ride that thing up on the Stratosphere! (in Vegas)
Bear: Yeah sure maybe if I was already dead
Bear: Yeah sure maybe if I was already dead
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
On My Pet Lizards
Me: My little patio lizards are back. I finally came up with names for them
Bear: What's that?
Me: Kimo and Tonto
Bear: Lone Ranger? Which is which?
Me: The fat one is Tonto. He's slower
Bear: He's not faster than a silver bullet
(side note: the saying is "Faster than a speeding bullet". Bear is old.)
Bear: By the way silver bullet was the lone rangers trademark faster than a speeding bullet is superman
Bear: What's that?
Me: Kimo and Tonto
Bear: Lone Ranger? Which is which?
Me: The fat one is Tonto. He's slower
Bear: He's not faster than a silver bullet
(side note: the saying is "Faster than a speeding bullet". Bear is old.)
Bear: By the way silver bullet was the lone rangers trademark faster than a speeding bullet is superman
On Bear's Blog
Me: BTW, Jamie and Olive have contributed to your page
Bear: And now they want more stuff
Bear: And now they want more stuff
Bear is "never sick"....8 times a year...
Bear likes to say he's never sick. But it's not true. At least, it hasn't been for 10 years. Here's what a text from a "Never Sick" Bear looks like.
Bear (on cancelling his b-day lunch because he was sick)
Bear: Hey sorry about today still feel like crap hope ur doing better
Me: It's okay, I'm sore and tired too!! Hope you feel better quick!
Bear: I'm never sick
Me: LOL!! I know. Happy Birthday from the Universe. HAHAHA
Bear: It's happy birthday from some bug
Bear (on cancelling his b-day lunch because he was sick)
Bear: Hey sorry about today still feel like crap hope ur doing better
Me: It's okay, I'm sore and tired too!! Hope you feel better quick!
Bear: I'm never sick
Me: LOL!! I know. Happy Birthday from the Universe. HAHAHA
Bear: It's happy birthday from some bug
Bear vs. the Medical Community
Me: PT is helping, but the nerve testing set me back a month.
Bear: I remember when I got that done wasn't fun
Me: Yeah, it sucks. I cried the entire time. Should NOT have gone alone :(
Bear: They had me flopping like a lobster
Bear: I remember when I got that done wasn't fun
Me: Yeah, it sucks. I cried the entire time. Should NOT have gone alone :(
Bear: They had me flopping like a lobster
On How Patton Out Rommeled Rommel
This will be an ongoing section as the "Desert Fox" is Bear's favorite subject. Jamie and Olive, feel free to add your favorite tidbits of this story as you see fit.
Bear on the art of text messages:
Me: Can I trouble you to use a bit of punctuation in your text messages? It helps them make more sense.
Bear: that is ridiculous they r txt msgs not thesis for a degree in English lit
Bear: that is ridiculous they r txt msgs not thesis for a degree in English lit
Monday, April 11, 2011
On Bear Being Informed of This Blog
Me: bearsquash.blogspot.com
Bear: What the hell
Bear: R u trying to compete with " shit my dad says" tv show
Me: I did not know such a show existed
Bear: It has characters instead of the word shit and its William shatner Google it
Bear: What the hell
Bear: R u trying to compete with " shit my dad says" tv show
Me: I did not know such a show existed
Bear: It has characters instead of the word shit and its William shatner Google it
Awesome Bear Quotes
On me wanting to be a pirate:
Me: I could get a little sailboat and sail around Lake Hodges fishing and shouting obscenities at people brandishing a wooden sword and a capgun
Papa: If you were a real pirate you would steal their fish and gear and maroon them
On my oven locking itself shut after self clean mode:
Papa: I'm sure there's an over ride for that
Me: How often am I really gonna need to break into my oven?
Papa: Just because
Me: So we should all know how to break into things "just because"?
Papa: That's correct
Me: I could get a little sailboat and sail around Lake Hodges fishing and shouting obscenities at people brandishing a wooden sword and a capgun
Papa: If you were a real pirate you would steal their fish and gear and maroon them
On my oven locking itself shut after self clean mode:
Papa: I'm sure there's an over ride for that
Me: How often am I really gonna need to break into my oven?
Papa: Just because
Me: So we should all know how to break into things "just because"?
Papa: That's correct
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